Raising Boys

I had lunch with a couple of my mentors last week when I mentioned I needed to get back into

writing. As they both know one goal of mine is to help the next generation of boys become responsible, functioning, and mature members of society, they’re suggestion was to come up with ways to guide them and incorporate that here on this website. I do not know who reads these articles or who comes across this site but I remember the 14 and 15 year old me. 

Being the late 1980’s, The Internet wasn’t a thing yet. I could have used it. Other than my father (who was away a lot of the time on active military duty) and grandfathers I didn’t have a lot of male role models around me. I was the oldest so I didn’t have a sibling to look up to. I remember looking around (and reading) trying to watch and emulate those around me I admired. 

Before I start a series of posts that hopefully one will one day read and find use for, parents this one’s for you. If not already, please incorporate this into your routine with them. We’ve been in their shoes. We know the help they need to succeed. 

Boys! 
They come in all shapes and sizes. 

Not to mention, some are loud and messy; others and neat and deep-thinking. Although they may shrug off your attempts to hug them and affirm them, deep inside they are listening! 

So, what can we say to them? 
What do they need to hear from us? 

If we’re being completely honest then boys need to be encouraged just as much, if not more than girls. Here are a few things boys and young men need to hear from parents and loved ones every day. 

1: “You are LOVED!” 

We love you, period! End of sentence. And… We love you as a person, as an individual, and as God’s perfect creation. 

■ It doesn’t matter what you do or what you don’t do. 

■ Truly, it doesn’t matter where you go or where you don’t go. 

■ It doesn’t matter what you choose or what you don’t choose. 

■ We just love you as you are, and nothing can change that! 

■ And, by the way, your heavenly God loves you too! 

2: “You are GOOD at_______.” 

(Fill in the blank with at least one thing that your boy does well). 

Boys need to be encouraged in their skills and abilities; they need to be verbally told that they are good at at least one thing. But it needs to be honest praise. If it is made-up and not genuine they will see right through it. Again, feeling “significant” is huge for boys.
“Boys need to have their “shoulders lifted” daily. 

So, what about your boy(s)? 

■ What are you saying to the boys in your life that will lift their shoulders?

■ How are you sincerely complimenting their hard work? 

■ And, what are the positive skills, talents, and abilities you are encouraging? 

Young men especially can “lose their way” between the ages of about 16-26. This is what we are hopefully preventing. 

3: “Life will have many challenges!” 

We need to teach boys that life will not be without its hard days, bad days, and really difficult moments.  We do not need to remove every obstacle from their lives or rescue them from everything hard. Young boys need to understand what it is to work hard, face troubles, and deal with adversity. Of course, we can support them, encourage them, and pray for them; but we must let them FACE real life. 

Moms, it is especially important that you not coddle them and hover over them like a helicopter. 

I know this will be hard for some to do. It may go against your instincts but hear me out? We must let boys be boys so that they can become men – strong men. However, you can show them how to turn to Jesus when life gets hard. Teach them to pray, look into God’s Word, and depend upon their Savior when storms blow into their lives. 

In John 16:33, Jesus promised “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

Remind your boy(s) often that life will always have some great challenges. 

4: “You were made to be STRONG, to LEAD, and to WORK HARD!” 

Explain to your boys that you are making them strong for a reason. They are to lead their homes and families well and to work hard. Teach them the importance of hard work – especially for men.